Lest We Forget

I really need to stop looking for attention. If I were to keep on moaning and trying to act all mysterious, as Alex puts it, I'll just end up getting into the same situation that I've gotten into again and again. I've got to stop trying to aggrandize my own ego through the words and approval of others, and get some actual accomplishments so that I can actually earn the respect I so desperately want to have.

I need to learn lessons from this. I can't let myself destroy something beautiful and not grow from the experience. I acted like a complete idiot, but I need to do what I said I would and make it up to her, even if she doesn't know I'm doing it. I have to do what I can.

Alright. All that aside, it's practically guaranteed I'm not going to show this blog to anyone I know anymore if I'm going to say stuff like that. The more I post, the more I'll want people to see it. I really am a whore for attention, but then I don't know what to do with it and I don't know how to get it without doing damage.

Urgh. That aside, goddamn Red Wings. I'm expecting them to win the Stanley Cup and all, but still, damn. I was hoping the Pens would at least put up a fight... or at least a goal. Bah. I still think they'll win at least one game, two tops, but the series certainly looks likely to be a bit one sided. Although I suppose the bruises from jumping on the bandwagon so hard are showing.

Whatever. Fuck off. I don't particularly care what you think, anonymous internet reader. This is where I come to bitch and rant about nothing in particular for no reason at all beyond liking what it looks like when something I make produces some palpable result. So again we're back at the self-aggrandizement, which is a quality about myself that I particularly do not like. I need to change that, but I'm not sure how and I don't know where to begin.

I think that I need to learn from this. That's why I've started calling myself Arch. If I can't make it up to you personally, then I'll do it in a round about way by making the world a better place for you, and your children if it comes to that.

I'm probably being overly dramatic, which is another unfortunate personal characteristic I've noticed about myself, but shit, I don't care about it this time.

Unfortunate that this whole situation has made it so I can't stand any mention of Iron Man. It was a good movie that had the unfortunate luck of being the focus of my dumb ass.

Ah, well. What's done is done. No turning back, we can only move forward.

I'm out.